The Valentines
by niara a. tepes
Summary: YuGiOhFF7 xover: coauthored with Aurora m. Tepes. The FF7 gang goes to Domino. What? Vincent and Mai are related? Very Random


**Aurora:** YEA! INSANITY! Hi. Welcome to the…umm… second collaborated….thing that Niara and I are/have/will doing/done/do together! That was grammatically nightmaric!

**Niara:** (looks at Aurora like she's insane and pulls out a can of pineapple juice and sprays Aurora with it, calming her) There. Now, yes, this is our combined efforts, and it is a ONE SHOT story. Which means it WILL NOT BE ANY LONGER THAN THIS!

**Aurora:** Awww! Why not?

**Niara: BECAUSE IT GAVE _ME_ NIGHTMARES!** Now do the disclaimer.

**Aurora:** Fine…(mutters incoherently)

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Final Fantasy VII, (sniff, sniff, tear, tear), or Yu-Gi-Oh, (cringe). So please, please don't sue us! We're just ri- I mean, poor little authors who don't have any money of our own! Invision starving ar- (At this point, Niara yanks away the keyboard). Just read, cringe, and review, please! (Aurora grabs the keyboard again.) AND NO FLAMES! WE DO NOT HAVE ANY USE FOR THEM! Except to roast marshmallows.

**P.S. (from Aurora)** We both realize that Vincent has been in a coffin for about 30 years and we are making it to where Mai is supposed to be 10 years older than him, so she should be 67, but she's however as old as she is in the show. Well, we're going to ignore that discrepancy. We're saying that Domino is locked in stasis.

**PPS (also from Aurora) **This is categorized as a Humor/Drama. But it should really be categorized as a Humor/Drama/Angst/Semi-Parody. Well, have fun!

**PPPS (also from Aurora)** Cait Sith is inexplicably gone for most of this. We just don't feel like doing much with him. He'll pop up now and again. Just thought you ought to know.

**The Valentines**

**(A scary crossover between FF7 and Yu-Gi-Oh that should have never left our minds.)**

"_Why_ are we going to Domino, again?" Vincent asked in a would-be apathetic tone. Cloud shrugged.

"We're just going to stay there a few nights, rest up, and stock up before we go fight Sephiroth," he answered. Barret leaned toward Vincent with a malevolent grin upon his broad face.

"What? Why you don't wanna go? Somethin' _wrong_, Red-Eye?" Barret taunted. Vincent stared coolly at his muscular companion.

"I just don't see why we can't stop at Rocket Town or Kalm. They're much closer to our destination. From Domino we'll have to go clear across the world," Vincent reasoned. Tifa looked up from where she was watching the scenery pass by below.

"Because there are supposed to be some pretty powerful materia makers in Domino. Maybe they can give us some weapons upgrades or some spells or something useful like that," she said reasonably, pushing her brown-black hair out of her face. "And my cousin lives there."

"Well," Vincent said coldly, "I refuse to be in that city when there are other things I can do. Other much more important things."

"Like whut? Get yaself a girlfriend?" Barret teased, not missing that chance to take a swipe at the gunslinger. Vincent glared at the dark skinned man and stormed off of the deck, ignoring the cringing people as he passed. Cloud turned to glare at Barret, who was just coming out of a state of slight terror.

"That was a low blow, Barret. A _very_ low blow," Cloud said. Tifa stood.

"I'm going after him," she said as she took off after Vincent.

She didn't have to look very far to find Vincent. He was staring in a cold, expressionless fashion out of a window. He heard her coming and turned to meet her. She leaned against the railing beside him and sighed as she stared at the blurs below.

"Anything wrong?" she asked. She could feel his eyes on her. After a few moments, he turned and stared into nothingness.

"Nothing. It's nothing," he whispered. Just for a fleeting moment, as Tifa turned toward the red cloaked man, she saw a glimpse of mixed emotion in those bright red eyes.

----------------------

"GET BACK HERE, YA STUPID, BEEP EGYPTIAN!" Joey yelled as he chased the blonde haired Egyptian, Malik Ishtar, around the room. Said Egyptian had a satanic grin on his face as he leapt over the couch that Yugi, Téa, and Tristan were sitting on, dropping the photo he'd been carrying in his sister's lap as he ran past her. Isis glanced at the picture, stared for a second, and proceeded to try and fend of the odd expression and laughter that was spreading across her face.

"Malik, sit down. Joey, go over there and stop trying to kill my brother. I think this is a very sweet picture. No need to kill anyone over it. It just shows how much you love your sister," she said, effectively ending yet another Malik vs. Joey War once again. Mai glanced up from the magazine she was reading and rolled her eyes.

"You know what you two remind me of?" she said. "My brothers. Always fighting over the littlest things."

They all stared at her. "You have siblings!"

(AN **Niara**: This didn't go together too well. shrugs, oh, well.)

Mai nodded and set aside her magazine as she held up five fingers. "Me, Yor, Our, Valerie, and Vincent. In that order if you go from oldest to youngest."

The others just stared at her. Then Téa shook her head. "So, Valerie and Vincent were the oddballs of the family?"

Mai nodded again. "Yup. Val was the biggest tomboy you ever saw and wicked with raw materia. Vincent…well, he was always a bit anti-social and a wildcard."

Téa shook her head and glanced at her watch. Then she leapt up. "AHH! I'm late! I was supposed to meet Tifa ten minutes ago!"

Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Malik, Isis, and Mai all blinked in surprise at the puff of air that occupied the place where Téa had once stood before following the brown haired girl out into the city.

----------------------

"Come _on_, Vincent!" Tifa shouted, attempting to move the tall man from the stairs of the Highwind. She was only successful in pulling on his right arm. "MOVE!" As the expert fist-fighter said this, she landed a hard kick to the back of his knee. Pain was evident by the sudden wince that appeared on his face (little white numbers appear that say **120**), but he still didn't move. Barret ran back up the stairs and thrust his machine gun arm into Vincent's back.

"_Move_, tin man!" he ordered. Under this persuasion, Vincent limped slowly down the stairs, careful to take as much time as he could.

"We're already late! I was supposed to meet Téa fifteen minutes ago!" Tifa exclaimed.

"What does that matter to me? You can go and meet your cousin. I'll stay here. Besides, it's best not to get in the way of affectionate relatives," Vincent stated.

"I _promised_ Téa that I'd introduce her to **_ALL_** of my friends! And that _includes_ you!" Yuffie was jogging in place impatiently.

"C'mon! Let's go already!" she blurted out. Cloud nodded.

"Besides, Vincent, we need you to pick out your ammo upgrade," he reasoned. "Remember what happened _last_ time we got Barret to pick it out for you?" An image of pink paintballs shooting at Ultimate WEAPON ran through all of their minds, making everyone but Barret cringe in fear.

"_Fine_," Vincent hissed. "Just don't expect me to stay after we get the introductions over with."

"But Téa specifically wanted to talk to you!" Tifa whined.

"And _why_ would she want to talk to me?"

"Because she is interested in people's pasts and she wants to know more about you. Besides, we're staying at her place!"

"_I'm_ staying on the ship."

"No you're not," said Cloud. "Now let's get going. We're already late." So the group, containing a frustrated Tifa, a grinning Barret and a sulking Vincent, made their way into the crowded streets.

----------------------

Téa hopped from one foot to the other, chewing on her bottom lip in agitation. Yugi glanced at his girlfriend and put his much larger hand over hers, trying to convey a calmness that he didn't feel. Téa glanced at him, smiling understandingly as Bakura joined them, obviously not possessed by his much darker counterpart. For once.

"Sorry I couldn't meet you at the arcade, Yami Bakura was being an annoyance again," he said, his clipped English accent coming out with a hard bite at his words. Malik grinned and nodded sagely.

"I know how that can be. Trapped in your own mind with a psychotic murderer can get rather bothersome after a while." Bakura laughed as a group of people walked up. In the lead was a girl of about medium height with long, brown-black hair and dark brown eyes. The second she saw them, she broke into a run.

"Téa! I am _so_ sorry I'm late! We were held up by a pigheaded moron and were attacked a few times by dragons on our way here!" Téa grinned and ran towards the girl, meeting her halfway with a hug.

"Tifa!" Tifa laughed. She broke the embrace and led Téa and the rest of the gang over to the group that was following her.

"Téa, you remember Cloud? He was always hanging around when we were little." The tall, blonde swordsman nodded.

"Oh yeah! Wow! You've grown so much! And… What are you doing with glowing eyes… and that _butcher's knife_?"

"Mako. And I can't fight very well without a weapon, can I?" Cloud replied. Téa blushed.

"Anyway," Tifa interjected in a tone that could clearly be interpreted as 'He is _mine_.' "This is Barret. He was the head of AVALANCHE. And this is Nanaki. (We all call him Red XIII most of the time, or just Red.) And Cid. He's the pilot I told you about, you know, the smoker. And Yuffie. She's the thief with a shuraiken(sp?)."

"Hey! I am _not_ a thief!" Yuffie shouted.

"Well, seeing as how you _stole_ all of our materia the first time we met you…" Cloud muttered. Tifa laughed.

"And Vi-. Hey, has anyone seen Vincent?" Tifa asked, looking around. The others looked around, but no trace of the gunslinger was found.

"Ah, he must have gotten caught up by the crowd," Nanaki said. Tifa sighed.

"Well, Téa, why don't you just introduce us to your friends while we wait for him," Tifa suggested. Téa nodded in agreement and pointed at Yugi.

"This is my boyfriend, Yugi Moto. You remember him, right?" Tifa looked at Yugi and blinked.

"Yeah, I just remember him as being _much_ shorter," she said, earning a blush from the tri-colored haired teen. Téa shrugged.

"Then its Joey Wheeler, the blonde, Tristan Taylor, the brunette with the Elvis hair-do, Bakura Ryou, the guy with the white hair, (it really is white), Malik Ishtar and his older sister Isis, the two tan people by Bakura, and Mai Valentine, the blonde in purple." The group with Tifa gaped for a second.

"VALENTINE!" Yuffie, who had been playing with her shuraiken(sp?), accidentally threw it over and behind her. She started looking around frantically for it.

Then, it seemed as if all other sound stopped as the dull clank of metal footsteps was heard approaching. Out of the dense crowd a tall, black-haired man dressed in red and black, a gun belt carrying a rather large gun around his waist, carried Yuffie's shuraiken(sp?) in a clawed, metal left arm. The group became silent and Yuffie shrank in fear as the expressionless red eyes of the man fixed on her. He stopped before her and thrust the weapon into her hands.

"Learn to be more careful with your weapon. It almost decapitated me," he stated coolly. Yuffie whimpered and murmured something that sounded like, "meep," as she slid away from him. Tifa took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"And _this_ is Vincent," she said sweetly. Mai's eyes grew large. For a moment, she was overwhelmed with terror. Then it passed.

"Little br-" she started. Vincent dashed at her and dragged her away before she could finish.

A little ways away from the group, just outside of hearing range, Mai hissed at him, "And just what do you think you're doing, buddy?"

"I have as much right as you to retain my dignity and I will _not_ have you ruin my life…**_AGAIN_**," Vincent hissed venomously. Mai glared before a sinisterly sweet smile slid across her lips.

"Alright, my dear baby brother," she said in a normal tone, earning a panicked expression from Vincent as he glanced at the others to see if they had heard her. "I won't mortally embarrass you by telling the stories about the times when Val, Our, and me got you and Yor dressed up in two of Val's pink dresses or the time you got so drunk you were singing the Star Spangled Banner, When You Wish Upon a Star, and I'm a Little Teapot, all at the same time. And butchering them forever. I'll just mention, in passing, that you happen to be my little brother." Vincent was shaking, and whether it was with rage or humiliation, none could tell.

"Listen to me, Mai, _don't_ mention our relationship to anyone. I've gone through more than you can imagine and I don't need you haunting me. I have a lot on my mind. The ridicule, the taunting, AH! I couldn't take it. I don't care whether you do it to me when no one else is around, but please, _please_, let me be at peace. I can't take much more than I have right now and I don't want to have to leave them too. _You_ ran me out of town. _You_ convinced Father to send me into Shinra. Because of _you_ I am a monster…because of you… And you'll never understand it. You'll never see completely what you've done. And I'm not asking you to," Vincent pleaded. But suddenly, he stopped shaking and his red eyes flared up with anger and rage. "If you dare to ruin me. If you dare to attack my character and leave me to suffer a worse fate than what I already have, you will find yourself in the deepest reaches of your nightmares, and you will never find your way out…" Mai lifted her eyebrows.

"Since when did _you_ have red eyes? And what's this metal junk? A cheesegrater?" Mai teased.

"That…_cheesegrater_ is my arm…or what's left of it." Mai blinked and frowned.

"Just what did those do to you there?" she asked, only a tiny twinge of worry in her voice. This was, after all, _her_ baby brother and only she had the right to torture him in any way. She looked up at his solemn face when she received no answer and growled (yes, she really growled). "And why are you still 27?"

"Materia," Vincent spat. Mai sighed, but said nothing, and led Vincent back over to where the group was waiting for them. The curious looks that were sent their way were ignored by the duo and Yuffie opened her mouth, ruining any solemnness that had surrounded the moment.

"So are you two brother and sister?" she asked innocently. "Or are you married?" Vincent spun to face her and she cowered from the glare that marred his face. Mai scowled at the teenage ninja. For a moment, Cloud and Tifa wondered whether to drag Vincent away to a secluded place, saving the general public from his _other_ form. But they didn't have to.

"Let's put it this way: we're **_NOT MARRIED_**!" Mai exclaimed, putting up a great match for Vincent in the 'scary' factor. "Seriously, Vinnie, I don't see how you can live with these people!" Vincent cringed at the nickname.

"My _name_ is _Vincent_," he growled. Everyone else just stared at the two of them, looks of shock passing across people's faces as they realized just what the two _hadn't_ denied.

But, it might have had something to do with the little midgets in hot pink tutus doing ballet over their heads. They promptly vanished after this was noticed.

"Oh," Barret said, his old malicious grin returning to his face, "so _this _is why you didn't want to come, _Vinnie_?" Vincent barely stopped himself from drawing his gun and shooting the gun-armed man through the heart. Instead, he took off, moving toward some secluded, abandoned part of town where no one would find him for a while.

Tifa sighed, knowing what was going on, and turned to Téa. "Let's go to your place, shall we? Vincent can meet us there later."

They left.

-----------------------------

Cloud, Tifa, Téa, Yugi, Barret, Mai, Cid, Isis, and Bakura sat in chairs and on the couch while Malik was sitting on the floor by Nanaki, petting him. They were all watching the news. It was 6 o' clock and the news was just starting.

(AN **Niara**: Aurora did that on purpose…don't ask me why, though…)

(AN **Aurora**: Well, it needed to be said. Besides, if it was the 10 o' clock news, they would be worried about Vincent!)

Picking the former paragraph back up, a news story about dirty water that no one really cared about finished as the reporter's face reappeared.

"And in other news," she said, "a monster was seen roaming the streets of our fair city. Our news crews were able to capture footage of the beast. Thankfully, though, no one was hurt. The monster seemed to be staying in abandoned parts of town."

The image of Chaos, (yes, the limit break, not the actual meaning of the word), appeared on the screen. He was busy destroying old buildings and taking care of a few pest problems, (meaning mice and rats).

Tifa now realized that she was clutching Cloud's arm a little _too_ tightly and Barret erupted in laughter as Vincent walked through the door, finding a purple-faced Cloud and concerned stares. He just stared at them in his usual expressionless way.

"Did you see the monster that was roaming the streets?" Téa asked, hurriedly, concern on her face. Vincent almost burst out with '_I **am** the monster!_', but didn't.

"Yes, I saw it. But I have _absolutely no idea what it was doing!_" The group that he had been traveling with all understood the double meaning behind this statement and chose not to argue with him at that point.

"Well at least y- I mean- _it_ didn' _beep_in' kill anyone," Cid said quickly. Yuffie bounced into the room, directly pursued by Joey and Tristan. In her hand was one of Joey's best cards.

"GIVE ME THAT _BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP_IN' CARD BACK!" Joey yelled. Yuffie laughed madly as she zoomed around the room.

"If ya like it so much, why did ya just insult it?" Yuffie cackled. Joey yelled incoherently as he chased after her. Just then, another story came on the news, this one live.

"We now bring you live coverage of the **_FIFTY THOUSAND SHINRA…THINGS INVADING DOMINO!_**" she shouted before she ran from the studio, letting the camera reveal the army of Shinra bearing down on the city, followed by a _very_ big **_MONSTER_**. And then, a mini Cloud in a pink tutu danced across the screen for a second before vanishing.

During this, Yuffie slammed into Vincent. Vincent picked her up from the ground, removed the precious card from her grasp, and handed the card back to Joey before setting Yuffie on the ground.

"Wait… How are you here…And there?" Téa asked Cloud, pointing to the screen. Cloud shrugged and picked up his sword.

"Okay, guys, let's get to work," he said. Yuffie groaned, but grabbed her shuraiken(sp?) and followed the group out the door. Téa and her friends couldn't help but follow along. They wanted to help them as much as they could, meaning that they could help get people out of the way.

As soon as they got to the square, Cloud began shouting orders.

"Barret! Yuffie! Cait Sith! Take the left flank! Cid! Red! Take the right flank! Vincent! Tifa! Let's go take care of that **_MONSTER_**!" Cloud shouted. His companions all nodded and ran to their posts. Téa and her friends, astonished at the efficiency that the slack discipline of the FF7 characters provided, stood for a moment before they began clearing the area of civilians.

I won't bore you with details of the gruesome slaughter provided by the FF7 gang, but needless to say, they did their job. Finally, only Vincent, Cloud, and Tifa were left fighting the **_MONSTER_**. All of them were taking damage, all of them reaching the point where they would unleash their powers more fully upon this **_MONSTER_**.

The Yu-Gi-Oh gang were astonished that the three of them were still alive, especially with how high the numbers the **_MONSTER_** was dealing in damage to the three of them. Then the last thing any of them expected to happen happened. The monster from earlier in the news appeared.

Vincent doubled over and he let out an inhuman shriek as wings sprouted from his back and his body contorted, changing into a purple-black monster, floating a few feet from the ground. The shape of a skull popped up from the ground and the monster dove at the **_MONSTER_** and the skull burst into shards, flying into the **_MONSTER_** and causing a whole lota damage.

Mai, needless to say, was shocked. That monster…was…her…baby…brother…WHAT!

The **_MONSTER_** blew up, causing a lot of gil to scatter, mysteriously being caught by the heroes. Tifa, Cloud, and Vincent gained a lot of experience points. The monster turned back into Vincent and he collapsed. The mysterious victory theme song began to play in the middle of thin air (everyone does their poses).

Mai ran over to where Vincent lay and pulled his head into her lap, tears running down her face. "Vincent, oh, lord, Vincent! I am so sorry! This is all my fault! I did this to you!" Vincent looked up at her.

"What do you mean?" Vincent whispered.

"It's my fault because I convinced Father to send you Shinra. It's all my fault!" Vincent pulled away from his sister's embrace. He shook his head. Cloud popped up.

"Well, technically its all Hojo's fault," he said intelligently. And, what he got for ruining the only good brother-sister moment between the Valentines was Death Penalty pointed in his face and a very nasty looking sword at his throat. "I'm backing off now," he whimpered. Then he slicked over to Tifa and hid behind her.

"So…" Vincent said to fill the awkward silence. Mai looked at her knees, the sword laying across her lap.

"Where'd you get the sword?" Vincent asked, genuinely interested. Mai blushed.

"Father gave it to me after you left because he was going to send me to Shinra too," she said. "But, I ran away…"

Then the moment was completely destroyed by…(DUN, DUN, DUN) the appearance of Sephiroth!

"Bwa ha ha ha!" Sephiroth laughed evilly. "Such a picture of familial bliss. Too bad you're all going to die!" Rattrap popped up out of nowhere.

"We're all gonna die!" Rattrap exclaimed before he vanished. (AN **Aurora**: Do not own Beast Wars either…)

Yuffie cut in.

"Sephiroth?" she said.

"What?" he demanded.

"Why are you wearing a pink tutu?" Sephiroth looked down and screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Suddenly, Sephiroth shot up in bed, screaming and clutching his teddy bear. He gasped for air as he looked over at his collection of Yu-Gi-Oh! DVDs.

"I've _got_ to stop watching that before I go to bed!"

THE END!

…Or is it?

You know, no one can really tell. I mean, he may have other nightmares. Less…random nightmares. Y-(Niara yanks away the keyboard)

THIS IS THE END! IF YOU WANT TO ADD ANOTHER ONE, AURORA, DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME!

(Lydia randomly appears and grabs the keyboard from Niara)

ONLY ON TUESDAYS!

(Aurora yanks keyboard from Lydia.)

Hey! That's my line!

(Niara once again takes the keyboard and hands it the FF7 characters)

Vincent: No flames.

Cloud: We're out of HP.

Tifa: And MP…

(Aurora grabs keyboard again.)

Something random (Lydia: that's my line!). I will write another nightmare, don't worry. So, this is the end. Good bye. Adieu. Au revior. Aufwieder sehn. Fair well… Okay, this is getting boring. End credits.


End file.
